Victoria del Rio
10B
Ms. Khalid, MS.Hickey
5/30/13
Trafficking Brought to Our Eyes
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| http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/Girls_carrying_water_in_India.jpg |
Around the world many people have been captured and raped, put into brothels, and given money for the sexual abuse of their bodies in exchange. This has been going on for who knows how long. But it has affected more woman than thought of. The youngest female infants have encountered rape from men. “ The gross violations of children's fundamental rights through commercial international sexual exploitation can be seen in every aspect of a sex industry that exist in no profiting and benefiting through sexual gratification against those most vulnerable and least able to protect themselves.”(Melton 1991; Seng 1989; World Health Organization 1996. This quote is showing that children who are forced into sexual actions have no way to protect themselves which shows that they are more vulnerable. What if that was your child, sister ,cousin, or even friend and they have been in such matters, how would you feel?
Nicholas D. Kristof, the author of Half the Sky, had explained that in many countries it doesn't matter if you have an education and can possibly be the smartest person in the world. A good job in the country in India was human trafficking.” Unfortunately, brains and personality aren’t always enough, and India is the center of the 21st-century slave trade. This country almost certainly has the largest number of human-trafficking victims in the world today” This girl was forced by family to earn money which is no way to gain money. Young woman are forced into these living conditions and sometimes not even receive a cent in return of her forced services. “There are 2 to 3 million prostitutes in India, and although many of them now sell sex to some degree willingly , and are paid, a significant share of them entered the sex industry unwillingly.” (Kristof , Nicholas . Half the Sky . page 5.)In order for voices to be heard people include numbers in their sentences to make it serious. The fact that we have to resolve to statistics of all raped woman in India is outrageous. I pulled this quote out of the book Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof, in my opinion I believe that he send an important message to people about this unspoken topic. It is a serious concern me about how little we think about such things like this.” When Nkunda presented some of the prisoners of war whom his soldiers had seized from rival armed militias, we asked them about raped.
I love the intro to me it stands out because you are able to transition from initial facts to a rhetorical question which made me think ahead. From that I was interested, i kept reading and you showed examples from a book a quote and an explanation. Everything seemed logically fine and the opinions that you added were intriguing, though i feel like the concluding sentence merits a little more explanation to sum up this whole essay.
ReplyDeleteI like your Op-Ed since it is very informative but to improve your ethos you may want to revise it because there are some mistakes within the essay like forgetting to capitalize I .Some parts are confusing making me think a word or two are missing or the spelling must be changed like the quote “If we see girls, it’s our right,” said one, Noel carried a gun for two years” We can violate them.”.Do you mean carrying or one Noel who carried?Don't forget to write where you got your pictures from underneath the picture.The beginning is also a bit confusing because of the way it had been written , for example "The youngest female infants have encountered rape from men."Overall I like it but it would be better if these few mistakes were fixed.It is very informative and you chose good statistics and quotes for the most part.
ReplyDeleteI learned a lot from reading this but I feel like some parts were unclear, and it confused me a bit. I think that you should maybe find a story and quote a piece of it. That way readers can get the true feeling of what you are trying to say. The stats are shocking, and it makes you think about what people have been doing to try and stop Trafficking.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to add captions to the pictures that you chose. I love your first sentence/hook because it makes me want to read more, but maybe you shouldn't start a sentence off with 'but' because it becomes less appealing. Instead of writing "this girl' in your second body paragraph you should give the name so the reader knows who you're talking about without a doubt. You want to make sure that everything looks neat and organized.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I really liked what you did in this op-ed is you described how this issue made you feel. On top of that, you also added the facts to support your opinions. But one small thing that I would include in here is to give more background information on the book. We seem to know the issue but lack the knowledge on what Half The Sky is about.
ReplyDeleteAdd captions to the pictures you chose, but the picture are very creative. They express a lot. I like how you included your personal feelings. Explain what a Brothel is for people that don't know.
ReplyDeleteYour wordings are very good. You gave info about the book and it's good background information. I think you should be more specific in your suggestions and don't be general. Add captions to pictures!
ReplyDelete